Thanks for Being You
Today as I was leaving yoga, I overheard a woman talking to her friends, and the conversation really hit me. She was telling her friends that tomorrow, on Thanksgiving day, she was going to have to put on her best “merry and bright” because a friend was coming over and it was going to be the friend’s first Thanksgiving without her son.
The statement really hit home for me for all of the reasons you can probably imagine it did, but it also stayed with me for a reason that may not be so obvious to many of you. To hear this woman, ironically coming out of a very spiritual yoga class, describe how she thought that she had to be something other than herself for her grieving friend really bothered me. This woman somehow thought that putting on a false front would be better for her friend than being her authentic self and showing up.
At a time when many of us spend an increasing amount of time online, leading to less personal connection and more surface-level relationships, I am so thankful for the myriad of personal connections that I have in real life. These relationships allow me to be my authentic self at all times, the self that may need to ugly cry into some mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving day. All of us owe it ourselves to let go of the facade and actually let others see us - the real us - no matter how vulnerable or scary that may be, because that is the only way we will be able to build lasting relationships that will have enough substance to carry us through the good times and the bad.
I think the thing that probably struck me the most in overhearing the woman’s conversation in yoga today is how I don’t want any of my friends or family to ever have to feel that way. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be debbie downer. And in all honesty the idea of having to be around someone right now and having them put on a happy face for me or me having to put on a happy face for them sounds like the worst thing in the world, and would do nothing to help the grieving process. I felt sorry for her friend. But, thankfully, I don’t have friends or family who have made me feel like a burden, not even for a moment. And my tribe loves me because of my expression of my authentic self, not in spite of it. I know Trey did as well.
If I had really been my authentic self in the moment in the yoga studio, I would have stopped sobbing long enough to tell that woman she was doing no one any favors by putting on an act. Unless you’re Meryl Streep, your friends can tell when you are not being completely honest or putting on a face from a mile away. And not only does that make them feel more uncomfortable, if they are going through something that they need to open up and share about, you are not holding space for them to do so. This may be difficult, it may be uncomfortable at first, but it will ultimately be what helps all of us to heal.
So for everyone who has not put on a face for me and has held space for me, thank you. And if I have one wish this holiday season, it’s to please stop with the false pretenses, stop with the shallow conversations, stop with the acquiescing to hide your own vulnerabilities, and be your authentic self in all of your interactions. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your loved ones.
