What to do When You're Waiting

Time flies by but also ticks away so slowly when you're waiting for the unknown.  Will today be the day?  Tomorrow?  Next week, next month, next year?

I've never been great with uncertainty.  Ok, that may actually be an understatement.  I've been a planner most of my life (thanks, Mom), with a schedule usually pretty packed and set months in advance.  Poor Trey, one who loves nothing more than unscheduled, unstructured time that allows for spontaneity and flying by the seat of one's pants ends up with someone who makes spreadsheets for every trip. 

These past six weeks have been the ultimate preparation in learning to cope with the unknown, which I guess is good training for being a parent (or so I've been told), where curveballs are constantly being thrown your way.  The time has flown by, while feeling like it's barely moving at the same time.

So, what do you do when you're anxiously awaiting word if you're going to get the child who completes your family?  Well, I don't know what other people do, but I can share what I've been doing to stay sane and occupy my time.

I've been exercising A LOT.  Yoga, something I've gradually gotten more comfortable with over the past year or so, has become a necessity, that hour of practice on my mat as essential as of late as a cup of water.  I practice at a studio that offers up mantras at the beginning of class, and inevitably, they feel like they have spoken directly to my soul's yearning the past few weeks.  I've also been doing a lot of spinning, specifically Flywheel; if you've never heard of Flywheel, it's spin class with a leaderboard, and great for any of you competitive souls at there.  I love getting in the  dark room, music blaring, and getting on the bike and pedaling until I'm at the top of the board.  Not gonna lie, I've almost thrown up to keep my spot at the top, but it's totally worth it.

I've also learned the power of meditation.  My brain NEVER stops.  And it's tired.  So meditation did not come naturally or easily to me.  But, the guided meditation app Stop, Breathe & Think has really helped teach me how to sit still, breathe deeply and with intention, and clear my head of all of the to-dos and unnecessary clutter.  I've begun doing guided meditation pretty much every night before bed, and find that I barely ever make it all the way through a 7 or 8 minute meditation because I've already fallen asleep.

Reading anything and everything, because I hear you don't really have much time to read once you have kids, has been another great escape.  I have been devouring myself in fiction, losing myself in the worlds and characters created by some amazing authors that allow me to travel around the world and through time when I may be a little more tethered to Austin.  I have also been mixing non-fiction in with my fiction.  I've been reading a lot of product management and tech innovation books (related to my work, and I'm sure this sounds super boring to most people) in an effort to better myself in my work and career before what I'm sure will be a major work distraction.  I've also been reading some "self-help"-ish books; Pema Chodron, whose Comfortable with Uncertainty  has been instrumental in helping me come to terms with how to lean in to the unknown - by embracing all of the things in this post! - as well as Brene Brown, because, well, she's Brene Brown, and we could all use some more of her to help us grow as human beings.

Work has also been taking up a lot more of my time the past month or so than it has the past year. Part of this has to do with the fact that we're working on a new product, so this always requires more time of a product manager.  I'm also expanding my team, which has required more of my time initially.  However, work is always a good distraction, and I'm sure I won't have nearly as much time or focus for work once we are parents, so now is a great time to continue to focus on it.  I've been traveling to visit clients, and this past week was in San Diego for a major industry conference; being face to face with clients and prospects and hearing what is going on in the market firsthand is a key component of my job, and I'm already stressing about how I will juggle this responsibility and parenthood when the day comes.  But for now, at least, it's a great distraction.

I've also just really enjoyed my time with my husband, Trey.  We've been enjoying walks with Maverick around the neighborhood, randomly stopping in at local restaurants for a glass of wine - something that won't be so easy once we have kids.  We also booked a last minute ski trip for my birthday with only 2 days' notice because, why not when you don't have kids or anything else to do.  I also wasn't really looking forward to all the "what's going on with the kids" questions had we decided to stay in Austin for my birthday and gone out with friends, and really just cherished the time with Trey out in nature skiing in silence.  It was amazingly peaceful and allowed me so much time to think and be one with myself.  

Being a former dancer, art has also always been a major part of my life and how I process emotion.  I have been exploring the art in Austin through museums, and recently saw Ballet Austin's performance of Exit Wounds that was beautiful and perfect and exactly what I needed right now.  I'm going to need to find more art to sustain and nurture my soul through this process.

One thing I haven't had much desire to do, though, is see many other people; if you are one of my friends, I'm sorry, and I promise to do better.  However, the one thing I want to do right now is do things that help take my mind off of this process and the waiting, and understandably everyone wants to know what is going on.  The last thing I want to talk about when I'm out is this process and the feelings that it stirs up.  I mean, I totally get the well-meaning place that our friends and family are coming from when asking, but it is just really the last thing I want to talk about when we're out for a night of fun.  Because this process definitely isn't fun.  So, I hope you understand why I've maybe been a little reclusive these last few weeks.

At current count, we've submitted home studies for 4 sets of children, 2 over a month ago, and we still have not heard anything back.  Not rejection, not a timeline, nothing.  And so, we continue the wait, and I'll continue finding ways to deal with the waiting.